Guiltiness
by Teamfreewill-girl
Summary: Sirius spend his first day in Azkaban. He feel himself guilty for the death of James and Lily. Guilty because he thought Remus was the traitor... I'm really bad at summaries and english is ot my first language so I want to apologize in advance for my mistakes !


**Disclaimers : Harry Potter is not mine ^^ He's J. K. Rowlings !**

 **First of all I'm really sorry ! English is not my first language, I'm French so I think there is a lot of mistakes if it's reaaly too much just send me a private message and I'll try to make something. I study English at university so I wanted to translate one of my fanfiction.**

 **Hope you will like it. Enjoy !**

At the beggining his stupidity with the accumulation of all what happened made him laugh. Not a happy laugh like the ones he had with his friends but a nervous laugh, a laugh because he didn't want to cry, to sream. He had been unable to believe that the sweet, nice and harmless little Peter will betray them. He had prefer to think that Remus was the most likely to betray them. And they were dead. Because of him. He was not better than Voldemort because a small part of him, that he could not silence kept repeating that he had judged Remus most likely to betray them because he was a werewolf. Because unlike him or Peter, Remus had more to earn. Voldemort promised so much to werewolves and other magical creatures in order to rally them to his cause that Sirius had thought... He had prefer to think that Remus was the traitor. He had judged one of his best friends just because he was a werewolf.

He let out a nervous laugh. He hadn't even resist when he had been take to Azkaban whitout any trial. He deserved to be locked in with the dementors. All was his fault. Only his fault.

Sirius had the impression that he always made the wrong choices in his life. From his birth, he had been a baby so lively unlike all his mother wanted. After all his parents had considered him  
such a disappointment that they decided to have another child before he was two years.

And then... He was unable to protect his little brother, if only he had been present beside hime, Sirius was sure that he could have prevented him to join Voldemort, avoiding the death of his brother.

His breathing was painful, he had never felt himself so pathetic, so useless, so guilty in all his life. When he came in Hogwarts and met his bests friends, he found some rest in his crazy life, but each summer when he came back home, his parents, especially Walpurga, had take a perverse pleasure in reminding him the disappointment he was for them. Overly happy. Too smiling. Too lively. Too Gryffindor. Not worthy enough. Not Black enough.

Sirius retched. He had destroyed the only thing that had made him happy. He had killed James and Lily. He had betrayed Remus. He didn't deserve what he had and he had destroyed everything. He woul have done better to just be James and Lily's secret keeper, to just hide himself to avoid the Potters being killed. But he didn't. He had prefered to have the best idea ever. Suggesting to James and Lily to change their secret keeper and choosing Peter instead of him. What a brainwave ! The dumbest idea he ever had. The idea that had killed them. No, it wasn't his idea which killed them. It was his overconfidence. His incapability to admit that Peter may be the traitor. His natural predisposition to silence the little voice which told him that if he believed Remus was the traitor it was mainly because his friend was a werewolf. His friend... He should hate him. He should think that Sirius had betrayed James and Lily. He should feel himself betrayed. And he was completely right.

A new nervous laugh. He hated himself. He hated all what he did. He hated what he was. An other nervous laugh. Sirius ran his fingers down her cheeks. They were wet. Tears. An umpteenth nervous laugh. The last before he burst into tears. The last before he indulge himself in sadness and distress.

His breathing was more painful. He wondered how many time he would be able to resist. How many time before he crack completely. He suffocated. Unable to hold his tears. He let himself fell on the floor. He didn't want to fight as two dementors slowly moved away from him floating above the floor like always, going in the next cell leting only the cold behind them.

 **I really hope I haven't made to many mistakes, if someone want to correct my fanfiction just send me a pm ! Please let me a review if you like this and if you want I'll try to translate my other fanfictions !**

 **In fact the dementors are the cause of the feelings of Sirius but he didn't understand it. It's his first night at Azkaban and he feel himself so guilty about all what happened to James and Lily and the presence of the dementors didn't help at all.**


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